I don’t recall the last time I wrote something. I think about it all the time, but there is a disconnect somewhere when it comes to the action. Almost a year has gone by I believe, I felt like It was time to regain some focus. I reflected on some things and came to the realization recently that if something brings you joy, you do it. Run full force in the direction of joy. Enough doing shit you don’t care about. If it is not a FUCK YES, its a fuck no… To give you a simple example. I love my Starbucks or Starby’s as I call it. Is my Iced Latte almost $8.00 a day? It certainly is, however if its something that I look forward too and brings me a smile. I’m doing it without question.
This past year has been a year for the books, maybe a book in itself. I watched my fathers health decline at a rapid rate before we lost him in September. Not getting to see him enjoy things like his retirement, his granddaughter, even his motorcycle, felt cruel. I would never wish seeing someone you love that way on anyone.
The week after my dad died, on the day of his service, and on our way home, I got in an accident with my best friend. We were both absolutely fine, probably my guardian angels. Thank God, but my car would need some attention. Again I was reminded that it could always be worse. Life was foggy and material things come and go, but all we really have is each other.
This year was so very hard on my sister and I, and I don’t think I would have survived without her. But if I learned anything at all, it is to love the people in your circle that love you and show up for you every day. Be grateful for them and remember time is always fleeting. Take accountability and learn forgiveness of yourself and others while honoring what you need. Do what is right for you.
One of my best friends wasn’t able to come to my dads service, but I still think about how she showed up at my house just to drop off a care package an hour and a half from her home. I think about my selfless friend that went to my house and just cleaned and took care of Chloe and did what was needed so I didn’t have to worry about it. Another dear friend sent me groceries to the house no questions asked, these are your people, don’t confuse words like I’m here for you with actions. I have family members I never even heard from in these times. You’ll never stop learning if you stay aware.
As another year comes to an end and another approaches, emotions are high. So many things left behind and so many things to look forward too. But whatever your new years resolution, whether it’s to fold the laundry as soon as the dryer beeps, or just love yourself more, remember that consistency is key. Motivation follows action not the other way around. YOU are responsible for your own happiness, whatever that means to you. Also remember to give people you love their flowers while they’re here.
Thank you to my supporters, cheerleaders, and guardian angels.
Unapologetically Sam 