It’s September, the 5th to be exact. My dad has been on my mind a lot lately. Both of my parents are always on my mind but more so throughout the day than not. I think of things my dad would say and I smile. The 22nd will be 2 years since he’s been gone. I see a blue Jay all the time since. His name was Jay.
I remember sitting in a meeting at work getting the call and going outside . I knew he didn’t have long but when time doesn’t really exist, you always think you have more. I remember meeting my sister at her house to go up to the hospital where he was, together. I’m forever grateful for my sister’s protective spirit and telepathic knowing that I need her. I remember my best friend going to my house without question, cleaning, and taking care of Chloe. I remember sitting in the funeral home picking things that needed to be picked. I remember burying him and the people that came. I remember crashing my Jeep that night. I remember who reached out during and after. But I don’t remember anything…. I don’t want to remember any of that, but my memories still haunt me. No one wants to remember their parent that way let alone both parents.
I want to remember the good healthy memories I was so lucky to have . Sitting looking at the kitchen my dad gutted and rebuilt in my house. The color of the outside he helped me pick out. I feel a full grateful heart with a strange ache that beats differently now . But grief is funny, or not at all. It unlocks memories you didn’t even know you had, from childhood, growing up, highschool, college. Random memories both good and bad. Yelling parents, spontaneous adventures, disappointments, victories. Reminding me , it’s never about the stuff. Time is always fleeting, and there is healing in grief. Its not linear but it’s all in our own time. One day at a time.
Hug whoever you have close to you still around in your corner.
Gratitude to those who read ♥️
Unapologetically Sam 